Ahh, a mermaid baby. That’s pretty cool. They should leave her like that so we can find out if she will be a kickass swimmer and break Mark Spitz’s swimming gold medal record. They can put her on tour and charge people like me around $5 a head to just go...

Looks like I have a big fan. Glad to see people appreciate my comedy.

I’m watching Friday the 13th, Part V right now, and I just realized that Dudley from Diff’rent Strokes is in it. After getting molested in a bike shop by the boss from WKRP, being chased by Jason (well, not really Jason- just a guy pretending to be Jason)...

I don’t think it’s even possible for this moron to do anything right. It’s an inauguration, not a Dio concert. Oh, and go sign this petition. It’s really important that you do. Really. Just go now. Seriously. It needs to be done.