There’s Something About Mary was a great movie- I remember seeing it in the theater and laughing so hard that I disturbed those around me. Kingpin is another great film, which has one of Bill Murray’s best performances. I don’t think I’m going out on a limb by saying that most moviegoers agree with those assessments. Moviegoers also would likely agree that The Sixth Sense and Signs were great movies.

I bring up this comparison because it seems that the Farrelly brothers have become the M. Night Shyamalan of comedies. They made some great movies early in their career, but as Richard Crenna states in First Blood, “It’s Over, Johnny.”

Hall Pass is the latest “comedy” from the Farrelly brothers, and my use of quotes is intentional. This movie has more than a few fatal flaws- the biggest issue is that it simply isn’t funny. They have a great comedic actor like JB Smoove (who I’ve never seen NOT be funny) and they give him nothing funny to say or do.

I’m sick of movies not discussing why Owen Wilson has such a jacked up nose- other characters in this movie get their noses broken, so why couldn’t they do that to him at the beginning so it at least makes sense that his face looks like Picasso was his plastic surgeon? Speaking of looks, in some scenes you think to yourself, “Wow, Christina Applegate is really holding up well, and Jenna Fischer looks great!” Then in others you think, “How did these guys get stuck with AARP members playing their wives?” Perhaps they ran through their make-up budget too soon, but a little consistency would be nice.

There are three gross out scenes, and they are just disturbing- remember the “frank and beans” scene from There’s Something About Mary? That was disturbing…AND HILARIOUS. The scenes in this movie are disturbing, but there’s nothing funny about them.

There are, however, 4 reasons to see this movie, and they are- Alyssa Milano’s boobs (which remain covered, though appear to be the size of basketballs) and Nicky Whelan’s boobs (which, thankfully, do NOT remain covered through the entire film).

So don’t go see this piece of crap- it will just encourage them to make more, when they should just sit back and count their money.

If you need a numerical value assigned to a review, then in honor of the 4 redeeming things in the movie, I will grade it on the atomic weights found on the periodic table. From Hydrogen to Unnoctium, this comes in at Silicon.

You can watch a quick video of my immediate feedback below.