I just wrote a few new instructional books. Please let me know if you’re interested in any of them.

This book will teach you everything you need to know, from the proper insults to use towards fans of other teams to what objects make the best projectiles when thrown at opposing players. You will also get many costume ideas and learn ways to remove your ankle monitoring bracelet so you can join us at games.

This book is based solely upon life experience. As the great Pee Wee Herman once said, “Takes one to know one.” You may have heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This book explores Matt Walker’s Hierarchy of Nerds, where you will learn about the major branches of nerd society- financial dorks, design nerds, video gamers, sci-fi fanboys, comic book geeks, roleplaying gamers, and renaissance faire losers.

This is my life’s work- you will probably never be as good at it as I am, and I’m just saying that to make you feel bad, because that’s what I do. That’s a free lesson- be as mean as you can at all times.