Bucky Larson– I’m almost at a loss for words when it comes to this steaming pile of garbage.  I expected it to be bad.  Very, very bad.  But even with my incredibly low expectations, I was astonished at just how bad it was.  This movie is so bad, it will probably relegate Nick Swardson’s film career to the land of non-existance, where it can hang out with that of Dane Cook and Demetri Martin.

I know lots of the actors (I think I counted 11 who I’ve met) that appear in this film, and many of them are fantastic comedians who are very funny on stage.  The persons involved in the making of this movie have some understanding of what is funny, so I have to wonder, what the hell happened?  Is this just Adam Sandler playing a joke on the movie going public, trying to see just how bad a movie can be and still get distribution because his company is behind it?  Does he owe favors to the people involved in this movie and this is him paying everyone back?  Did someone kidnap the children of the CEO of Mann’s Theater and force them to show this movie?

Bucky Larson feels like it’s as long as Titanic when you’re watching it, though in reality it’s only 96 minutes.  That’s 95 and a half minutes of zero laughs, and one half-hearted chuckle at Kevin Nealon about halfway through.

I won’t bother recapping much of the plot, since it doesn’t matter; this movie is essentially a 2 minute sketch played out over an hour and a half.  Here are some better ways to spend an hour and a half:

  • Laying on a bed of nails
  • Getting punched in the stomach by Manny Pacquiao
  • Repeatedly banging your head against the wall
  • Watching It’s Pat, which is sadly a far funnier movie while still being unwatchably bad
  • Talking to Michelle Bachmann
  • Staring at Nyan Cat
  • Dealing with a case of explosive diarrhea (which may be how they wrote this script)

The only redeeming quality of the movie is, well, I can’t think of any.  It’s AWFUL.  Even the music was terrible- some poor composer had to create a score for this garbage, and it seems that once he saw what he was writing music for, he decided to phone it in.  The rock songs used are invoked literally, which shows that even a 3rd grader has a more advanced sense of humor than those involved in making this crap.

Oh, I did think of one thing this movie has going for it- it’s not Transformers 3.

I’ll rate it on a scale of smelliness of animals.  From the world’s smelliest (the striped polecat- it has anal glands that can be smelled from a half mile away!) to the least smelly- pigs (they don’t have sweat glands, so they don’t create much odor themselves, they just live in smelly conditions.)  Bucky Larson is a Tasmanian Devil, known for smelling of death and decay.