The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence is the sickest, crudest, most perverted, vile, disgusting thing ever pressed to DVD. And that’s truly the greatest compliment I can pay this movie. However disturbing you imagine it to be, it’s worse. Far, far, far worse. I hesitate to call it a horror film, since it goes so far beyond the norm of the genre that it’s essentially a parody of the torture porn that has become popular of late. This movie makes Saw look like family fare.

The movie is the story of Martin (Laurence R. Harvey), the most grotesque looking character I’ve seen onscreen since Kirsten Dunst played Mary Jane in Spiderman. He is obsessed with the movie The Human Centipede, and he sets out to mimic what he saw in the first one, but with 12 persons instead of just 3. He works in a parking garage late at night (I never have trusted parking attendants) which grants him access to a wide variety of victims.

Since he is not a surgeon, he is unsuccessful at his attempts to fully replicate what he saw on screen. But like a bizarre cross between MacGyver and Peter Lorre, he finds a way to make his dream come true. There’s no problem a staple gun and some duct tape can’t fix.

This movie should be seen in a theater with horror fans, because at home the sick mind of Tom Six (the auteur of this masterpiece) just wouldn’t be as fun to peer in on. The crowd I saw it with erupted in laughter dozens of times, we cheered constantly, and the line, “He’s going to sew us ass to mouth!” got an extended applause break. It wasn’t just watching a movie, it was an experience quite unlike any other I’ve ever had at a theater.

While watching this movie, you will see: a crowbar crushing skulls, gunshot wounds, a pervert masturbating with sandpaper, childbirth, vomit, excrement (in solid and liquid forms), phlegm, blood, a sweaty distended belly, rape (there’s no way doggy style sex with the tail end of a human centipede is consensual), forced feeding, and an actual centipede that takes a journey only previously traveled by brave Sir Lemmiwinks.

If this sounds like something you want to see, then go, I highly recommend it. If the thought of these things makes you want to puke (like the two women that walked out of the screening tonight said they were going to do), then I advise you to skip it.

I will rate this movie on a scale based on the number of limbs animals have, from the zero of a snake, to the 400 found on a common millipede. This movie is like the rare Illacme plenipes (pictured), which has up to 750 legs.