A while ago I was introduced to an actor that had appeared in some vampire/werewolf/supernatural show on ABC in a couple episodes. After a few seconds I was annoyed when he launched into complaints about being underpaid, “I mean, it’s on ABC! They only paid me $12,000 an episode, that’s ridiculous. They pay the people on Glee five times that!” Then he started in with a story about how the crew on his show “always said I was going to be the next Tom Cruise.” He kept repeating that he was always being told he was the next Tom Cruise, and that he’s trying to pitch a sequel to Top Gun, starring himself, of course. “But Tom can be in it- he can be the instructor.”

The best way to deal with someone like this is to let them know that you a) haven’t seen anything they’ve been in, or b) didn’t like anything you DID see them in. So I pointed out that I hadn’t seen his vampire show, asked him a few questions, mentioned that I had never even heard of it, and then asked when it was going to be on again (knowing full well that it had just been canceled because a friend of mine mentioned it earlier that day). It was great having this arrogant SOB tell me that the only thing he’s done of any note was canceled.

Fast forward a few months, and I see him again, this time at a restaurant…when he cleared off our table after we ate. Yes, the next Tom Cruise is bussing tables. Hollywood is a funny town- so if you do achieve some level of fame, try to not be an egomaniac, or those of us that make no pretensions about our level in show business will laugh when you’re back on the bottom.

I’d like to point out that I made a post referring to both Top Gun and Glee that used the word “bottom” and didn’t incorporate that into a gay joke. That deserves a thumbs up. Thanks, Maverick.